Day Eight: Just Accept It

An LDR is never easy, but it can be far worse if you dwell on the past. Don’t think “oh we wouldn’t be in this mess if you didn’t move” or “I should have just gone with you” or anything like that. You can’t change the decision-making process once there’s already an active decision. It is what it is.

So stop dwelling on the “what-ifs” or the “whys” and start focusing on the present day. Any LDR is going to be frustrating, but if one or both partners don’t accept the reality of it the relationship is likely to fail. It is important to express your views and feelings on the topic, but don’t push them. If you’ve already told your partner why you’re upset you don’t need to keep reminding them. It’s best to work through that yourself with a little guidance from your partner; don’t overwhelm them.

A good way to help you through this phase, if you’re struggling like I am, is to think about all of the reasons you’re in the relationship. For example my boyfriend is nerdy, goofy, and makes me laugh. Those are still things he can do if he isn’t right next to me; it doesn’t matter if he’s sitting next to me on the couch, at a friend’s house down the road, or in Australia. I still get the same happy feeling when he compliments me. I still laugh when he tells me something funny. Love can be the most powerful emotion in a person and it can survive anything as long as both people put in the effort.

If you just accept that you’re going to be physically apart during your LDR, you can focus on what pulls you back together. His jokes, his laugh, his curiosity…everything I miss when we’re apart is still right there. Although distance can be a huge change, it doesn’t change the important things. Nothing can take those away if you’re dedicated to the relationship.

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