My post today is not as uplifting as some of my others, but it is just as (if not more) important as the others. You may wonder how I stay so positive with all of my thoughts and ideas, or how I seem so accepting of my LDR. Well, the truth is, I’m not. I try very hard to maintain a positive outlook on my situation, but it is not part of my “ideal” relationship. And sometimes it is nearly impossible to shake negative feelings.
It can be really difficult to deal with an LDR for a number of reasons other than the actual distance. For one thing, if you are the person staying in the same place (ie: all of your friends and his friends are around you) then it can be difficult to face people. Some people will offer support, telling you to stick with it; unfortunately, these are rare people. Most will express their shock over the situation or constantly talk about how “horrible” it is or how “you don’t deserve it” or even “forget about him.” This can be extremely damaging, not only to your relationship, but to your mentality in general. And lately, all of this has caught up to me. It’s hard constantly hearing about the “bad” aspects of my relationship from people who really don’t have a clue about any of it.
For some people, this may actually sway their thinking and make bring up doubts. This isn’t the feeling I get…I get frustrated more than anything else. Frustrated that I am in an LDR and nobody else seems to know how I feel, frustrated that it’s a main point of conversation with me and other people, and frustrated that I will probably have to listen to this negativity for the rest of my LDR. It can be really stressful to add on an extra mile of controversy to my already 9972 mile separation.
But enough about other people. There are two of us in this relationship, not twenty. It can be difficult to deal with an LDR if one person has an easier time accepting it (especially if that’s the person that moved away). The person who was “left” may start to feel like their SO is happier alone and far away. They may feel like this was the first step in them ever-drifting apart….luckily this [usually] isn’t the case. Some people live life a lot more freely, stressing much less over everything. To them, the LDR is more of a positive twist on the relationship. “Now we can focus on ourselves” or “it hasn’t felt that long!”
Advice time: Talk about it. Discuss how you’re feeling with your partner. Avoid assigning blame (“You abandoned me” or “you don’t even care”) but also offer some sympathy to the other person (“I’m sorry you feel that way” and “I really care about you” or “This will actually be really good for us because…”). The more open you are about your problems or doubts, the higher chances of continuing your relationship.
So if other people have you upset over your LDR, stop for a minute. Think about the positive things and push those toxic comments out for good! If your SO seems completely cool without you, have a chat. Chances are that’s just your perception.
Best of luck and best wishes LDRers!