There comes a point in any relationship when you have to think more seriously about the future. For people in an LDR this is exponentially more difficult because several extra challenges can sway the decision. But how do you know when it’s worth it to stay with this person and how do you know when it’s time to call it quits?
I’ve been periodically asking myself some questions to help with my LDR. These are very important to ask yourself not only in an LDR, but in any relationship. Below you will find some of the most important questions:
1. Are you happy with this person? If the answer to this one is not an immediate yes you may want to think a little harder about why you’re with your SO. It’s okay to get in fight occasionally or to get annoyed with your partner, but you should still have a sense of underlying happiness whenever you think about them or whenever you are together. If you are unhappy, it’s time for a change. This change could be “closing the gap” for an LDR or simply ending the relationship, among other options.
2. Are you happy with yourself? Sometime we can compromise some of our own beliefs for the person we love. Our friends may notice changes in our behavior or attitude. It’s one thing to love your SO but it is a completely different and more important thing to love ourselves. If we do not love ourselves we may try and block others from loving us. But also, if your SO is suppressing some of your natural behavior (either consciously or subconsciously) you both need to take a step back and reevaluate the relationship. You shouldn’t be in a committed relationship with someone until you’re committed to your own welfare and happiness.
3. Can you see a future? It’s one thing to have fun together and a complete other thing to see a future together. If you want to get married some day, make sure you can picture your SO on the other side of the altar. Discuss the future with your partner, in a general sense. Ask for their opinions on marriage, children, and living location. If you have some glaring differences it might be time to sit and have a real talk. You don’t want to end up getting married and then resenting your SO for not wanting children. It is extremely important that when you each look at the future the pictures are similar.
4. How will the next few years pan out? This is especially important for those of you also in an LDR. Our lives are constantly changing and it can be difficult to keep up. If your SO is planning on getting a job in China this year and you live in Argentina you might need to think about when the distance will end.But if you don’t have any idea for an end date, this can be incredibly difficult to do…For some people, an LDR doesn’t need an end date. The mystery of it adds a little excitement into the mix. But for others, this inability to plan out the rest of your relationship (or life) is an incredibly daunting task.
5. Will you regret this? Some people live life dwelling on their past decisions. If you are one of those people you should seriously reconsider a long-term LDR. You don’t want this relationship to drain everything from you. This is the type of experience you want to look back on (no matter the outcome) and think “wow, that was a really fun time in my life.” You want to feel a sense of accomplishment for even taking that risk of an LDR. You want to feel like a strong and powerful person. But if you find yourself already feeling defeated, it may be time for the end.
I hope some of these questions help you determine the best choice for yourself and your relationship. As always, I will post updates on my own experiences in my LDR. Best wishes and good luck with whatever you decide. I look forward to hearing some feedback on this topic and hopefully some success stories for all of your LDRs!