The Irrationality of Fear

Australia Vacation 519

I, like any normal human being, have my fair share of fears. When my relationship first entered the transition from a “normal” relationship to long-distance my mind was racing with anxiety. If you could look into my thoughts you would think I was experiencing the apocalypse. For me, the stress of the unknown caused me to create and cling to several new fears, without any justification.

My mind traced through each “what if” scenario as if they were all guaranteed to happen in my LDR. What if we don’t talk enough and we lose our connection? What if he finds a new girl when he moves? What if he cheats on me? While for some people these may be reasonable questions, it was definitely not the case with my relationship. Jay went on fairly-regular long vacations to foreign countries and we still managed to chat fairly often. We have always had a very strong connection and are both honest with each other. He is faithful and not a scumbag, so cheating on me should never have crossed my mind. These were only some of the crazy fears that I created in my mind, but looking back I can see they were all irrational ones. I found it easiest to overcome my fears once I accepted the reality of them. Nothing in our relationship supported the fears so I didn’t need to bother myself with them.

Of course some of the fears associated with LDRs are pretty justifiable. A lot of risks come from a LDR, but you need to know your relationship. If you are with a loyal and trustworthy person there is no reason to believe they will cheat because of distance. I truly believe that the only fears that you should have about a LDR are fears you already had in the close-distance relationship. It is important to address these as they pop up because fears can put a lot of stress on people. So whenever I find myself worrying I give myself a day or two to really try and sort out my thoughts. Then, if I am still fearful I discuss it with Jay. In a few short days the fear is resolved and we are back to being our happy, trusting selves.

Fears are incredibly complicated feelings. They can arise so suddenly and are powerful enough to instantly change your mood. Someone can go from cheerful one second to an anxiety attack the next all because of fear. While some fears are justifiable, often times our fears stem from irrational thoughts. Try to let go of irrational fears and discuss any legitimate fears you have with your partner. Don’t let fears trap you in a never-ending cycle of stress. Take action against fear and focus on the positive aspects of your relationship.

Remember that you are in this LDR because you are confident that your relationship will thrive even despite the distance. In the battle between fear and love, let love be the winner.

Inspired by this LDR Writing Prompt: Fears

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6 thoughts on “The Irrationality of Fear

  1. Well written and on point! LDR are all about communicating and trusting the other person. My LDR is a bit different now as there’s another variable involved – my man is deployed and we are only able to chat for a few minutes a day, but I’m lucky that I still have that..

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    1. That must be very tough! I am so inspired by couples like you. As long as those few minutes spent chatting are positive ones I think your relationship will hold strong, but it must be very difficult at times.

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      1. It ain’t easy, like you mentioned in your post on emotional connection. I’m trying to figure out how to maintain that in the little amount of time we do get to message each other.

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  2. I really like your idea of taking a few days to compose yourself/your thoughts and if the fears are still there, then you discuss them. I know there are too many times I am took quick to freak out and be overwhelmed by fears. I don’t allow myself that time to calm down and compose myself before bringing them up to my boyfriend. I’ll have to remember that for next time it happens.

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  3. Reblogged this on 1080miles and commented:
    For those of you, like myself, that may struggle with fears in a LDR, this has some great advice! Pay attention to the part about taking a day or two to sort out thoughts before discussing them. It’s really great advice that I know I will be following the next time I have a problem.

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