As of late, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed by life. I’m stressed out from juggling work, exercise, social events, blogging (although it’s awesome), studying, and (most importantly) talking to Jay. My brother is also getting married in less than a week and my weekends have been jam-packed with activities. I just can’t keep up with everything and I’m running on empty. I can feel the weight of everything crushing me, pushing me closer to the ground. I’ve bit off more than I can chew and I’m being punished for it. There aren’t enough hours in the day to complete everything I want or need to finish….so what am I supposed to do?
Since I’ve been struggling to keep up with my own life, I’ve become more distant from Jay. He’s feeling better from his surgery and becoming his usual silly self again and I haven’t been as fun when talking to him. It’s like my mind is constantly fighting with itself and screwing with my emotions. I should be so excited considering he’s visiting me in less than 4 days, but I don’t have that usual intense feeling of happiness and excitement. This makes me feel even worse, like I’m not being fair to him. I don’t even know why I’m in this slump or how to fix it. It’s like I’m one of those cartoon characters with the storm cloud hanging above my head.
I think part of it is because Jay moves to the Netherlands soon. This is his home country and it is closer to the USA, and me, but for some reason it makes me sad thinking about it. Even though he’s moving closer, we’re still going to be long distance for a while. I’ve had a good grasp on the time difference between us now and I’m worried that this new “less extreme” time difference will be more difficult to deal with. It’s scary to think about the future together when we don’t even know when we’ll be together.
I have been really good for this first year of the distance, but I’m starting to hit the point where I worry. I worry that somewhere in the transition our strong connection will begin to weaken. I worry that we won’t be able to talk as much because we’ll both be very busy or we’ll fall behind in our other life activities. I worry that we won’t be able to visit each other for 8 months and we’ll begin to drift apart. I worry about almost everything. All of the “what if” scenarios run through my head and I’m overwhelmed by them.
Jay and I have an amazing relationship the blossomed from a close friendship. We share so much love for each other and are completely invested in each other. I try and remember this every time I worry because I know that it is all worth it. We are worth it. We are great for each other and I don’t mind waiting a little bit longer if it means I can be with this amazing person. I’m hoping to throw away that storm cloud and have another awesome year with Jay!
***Note, this was a post I actually wrote about 2 weeks ago and never posted***
Inspired by this LDR Writing Prompt: Fears