Fast Forward to My Future

Brooklyn water tower

Life. It’s unpredictable, yet planned. There are a lot of duties and responsibilities associated with life and once you hit a certain age there are several decisions to make. But how do we choose what is best? What makes us qualified enough to do so?

I’m 22 years old and I’ve been working since I graduated from university almost a year and a half ago. I rent my own apartment, pay my own bills, and make my own decisions. But there are some choices I cannot seem to make.

Sometimes I think things would be better off if someone else made these choices for me. I’m too indecisive with the important questions. I weigh the options, make a decision, and turn back on it 100 times. I’m stuck, lost in life. It spins around me, all of the possibilities of m future circling me and trapping me in the present until I lay back down and accept the only things I know.

I accept that my life is where it is right now and that “some day” things will be different, yet I never make the move. I never make it past that first step. I need to make a decision and stick to it. I need to think about myself, my future.

When I was younger I was always told, if you want it you can have it. Life really isn’t that simple. We’re given this misconception as children that we can achieve anything that we want and we can have this “perfect” life. It’s just not true. Life isn’t perfect. Just because you can think of where you want your life to be, doesn’t mean you can get there. First you need to discover the steps to getting there. You focus on them, you work hard, and then hopefully you’ll end up somewhere close to the life you imagined yourself in….hopefully.

Life’s decisions might be ours to make, but they don’t always end the way we believe they will. So for now I’m stranded with the opportunity to take that next step, make that choice, and I can’t do it. I don’t know what the future holds and I’m afraid to try and influence it.

What if I take a wrong step and everything I had crumbles? What if I don’t walk fast enough and everything turns out worse than before? Will I end up closer to my dream life or even farther away? These are the questions that I’ve asked myself for the past year and I fear the answer.

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