Right now I’m at an awkward stage. There are so many things that I would love to change, but I’m not sure if it’s worth it. Jay will be moving back to the states later this year (at least that’s the plan) and I feel like my life is just dangling over the edge of uncertainty. Lately I’ve been debating whether or not to move apartments, change jobs, and study for my actuarial exams (for real this time). There are so many things that I want to improve upon and I feel a little restricted at the moment.
I can feel myself slipping away. I’m 23, but I carry the weight of a whole lifetime on my shoulders.
Loud noises. No sleep. All work, no play.
I don’t feel like me anymore. I’ve been cast aside, shoved off the path to success, stripped of my identity.
My dreams seem like distant specks. I’ve lost focus on what I’m trying to accomplish and how can I reach for something that isn’t there?
I’m freefalling towards a black hole. I try to fight, but I’m not strong enough to resist the pull.
Roaring flames. High heat. All those lost souls’ cries.
I don’t want to be like them. I need to persevere, fight back, and take claim of my destiny.
My life is just that, mine. I’ve been missing direction, but who said life follows a single pattern?
I’m slowly gaining speed. I can feel myself rising back from the depths of Hell.
Fresh air. Bright sun. My dreams.
I’m almost there.