Adulting in a LDR


When we’re young we’re taught to look to the future. The constant questions of ‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’ evolve over time into ‘What are you going to do with your life?’ But we are never satisfied. Once we reach the future, we want something different. We are constantly dreaming of what we want to be doing instead of making our dreams happen. But for some of us it may be even harder to accomplish our dreams because we need to focus attention on our LDR. Having an LDR and pursuing your ideal life don’t always go hand-in-hand. It’s tough being an adult and it’s even tougher when your SO lives across the world.

The Top 5 Reasons Why Adulting and LDRs Do Not Mix

Money. Sure, when you’re an adult you are most likely earning money from a job. But what people don’t tell you is how high the cost of living is and that you’ll have little money left after bills, LDR visits, and the occasional social outing. Of course we don’t all live in very expensive places, but no matter where you live adulting is going to be expensive.

Time. You mean you want to relax after work? Ha, don’t make me laugh. There’s too much be done. Between working, finding time to talk with your SO, planning your future, paying the bills, eating (you have to prepare your own meals now, remember?), and other obligations you will have virtually zero time. And when you do have it be prepared to stare into space for the next hour because that mind needs some rest!

Sleep.  Huh? I am not familiar with this. Between working, keeping up with family obligations, and talking with your SO you might be running low on sleep. Not only that, but your sleep pattern will be very odd if it even exists. Waking up early or staying up late to chat with your SO can seriously mess with your routine.

Moving. At one point or another someone needs to move. There are a lot of sacrifices that come with moving. Where will you live? Where will you work? What legal forms do I need to complete? Can I get sent back to my own country? There are endless questions all revolving around moving to your SO. These can really take a toll on your mind and cause you to be more stressed out than usual.

Uncertainty. Job security, financial stability, and LDRs do not always work well together. There are a lot of unknowns when it comes to LDRs that you may not know the answer to for months or years. People applying for partner visas know this all too well. One small hiccup in your life can cause tension in your LDR especially if it ruins your changes of closing the gap. There are so many unknowns in a LDR that there might actually be more unknown than known.

Adulting is hard. LDRs are hard. But what’s even harder? Dealing with both at the same time. Being an adult is one of the most difficult things you may ever have to do (or so it seems), but pair that with your love for someone across the world? You’re entering a whole new battle zone. Learning how to be an adult while also maintaining a healthy relationship with your long distance SO can be a real challenge. But I believe that as long as you help support each other you can have both a successful LDR and a thriving adulthood.



2 thoughts on “Adulting in a LDR

  1. I’ve had kind of a slow start to adulting now and to be honest, I am loving it, haha. I mean, it’s hard sometimes and I wish I could just ask mom to call for doctor’s appointments but I also enjoy the freedom it brings. Like, I can choose what I eat every day! I’ve also found that even though I wasn’t brought up to be a frugal person and my parents never really talked about finances with me, within this year that I’ve had to manage my life with an income that is way lower than 1000€/month, it’s been liberating in some way. Surely it’s hard but I’ve become such a budget goddess that my family is constantly amazed at how I manage to have all I need and all I want and even save some money. We will see how things will change when I start college and move out of country!

    The one thing that makes LDRs kind of awesome is that you get to live a truly independent life before moving together with someone. Or at least for me personally that’s the case. I think it’s almost crucial to know how life works on your own before moving together with someone else. 🙂

    This was a good post, again! I love how you are so honest!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I suppose in that sense, it is good. I’ve always said that my LDR started at the right time. I was fresh out of college and looking to start my life as an adult. It was nice because I wouldn’t feel guilty about making certain decisions and I was free to really find myself as a person while Jay was away. It’s not that I didn’t have to consider him when making these choices, but it was a little easier to make decisions for myself instead of for us. The independence my LDR gave me could not have been at a better time.
      I can’t imagine living off of so little money! Maybe that’s because my rent alone costs more than that per month, haha. But I think living on your own definitely teaches you to be more frugal. My parents are very good about budgetting, but I never really had to until now. I’ve been able to save up to visit Jay in Australia and in Europe along with spending holiday presents, and wedding gifts, among other things….I love how you said “it’s almost crucial to know how life works on your own before moving together with someone else” because I think a lot of times people don’t do this. When I was in high school one of my teachers told me “If you ever have the chance to live alone, take it” and that was the most valuable piece of advice I ever took.
      Thank you for your wonderful comments and thanks for reading!


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