The Worrisome Truth

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It’s taken me years to figure out, but I have finally discovered the worst part of my time difference with Jay. Why did it take so long? Well there are a lot of things I dislike about the time difference so it took a little longer than usual to find the one aspect I hate most. But this weekend I found it. I now know, without a doubt, my very least favorite part of a LDR. It all centers around the time difference and nighttime activities.

When Jay goes to bed, I still have my whole evening in front of me. Whether I go out to a bar, visit some friends, or make a nice dinner for myself…Jay sleeps thought it all. So if I stay out until 3am I’ll be home by the time he wakes up. But I am awake for the duration of his nighttime activities. Whether he goes to bed at midnight or goes to a club until almost 5am (because in other places that’s apparently a thing) I am awake for the whole damn time. So why does that matter to me?

While Jay is out in clubs, I have no concept of when he will get home. He doesn’t respond or send updates until he’s home. That’s all good and well, but when you live in a different country as your SO you worry, especially when “going out” is a lot different in your respective countries.

Shouldn’t he have been home by now? Why haven’t I heard from him in 5 hours? Why am i getting ready for bed while he’s still out somewhere?! All of the possibilities race through my mind (no matter how ridiculous they may be) until I hear something from him. I am stuck there worrying about his whereabouts while he’s clueless and just out for a night of fun.

But when I’m out, Jay doesn’t have to worry. He doesn’t even have to think about it because he’s sleeping. He’s having his nice dreams about pizza or soccer or whatever else he loves without having to worry about my whereabouts. This isn’t to say that he would automatically worry about me, but I know it would hit a point where he may be concerned. Each night that I do go out to a bar or a party he always tells me to be safe, but then he quickly drifts off to sleep. He doesn’t have to worry about where I am because I’m always home again before he wakes up.

This is the main struggle I face with our time difference. It’s not that he goes out all the time (it’s really infrequent) but each time I end up concerned about his safety because it’s 4am and I have no idea if he’s okay. Meanwhile he’s off clubbing and having a great time with no worries at all. And when it’s my time to have some fun? He’s dreaming, with no cares in the world…

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